I keep feeling like things are getting better.
I keep feeling like the fog is clearing, and I can finally focus on writing and photography the way I used to. I’ve had some really good writing days lately, and I’ve taken some photos I’m really happy with. I have days when I genuinely feel like even if life in general isn’t getting back to normal anytime soon (if ever), I can write and I can take photos and I can start thinking about what comes next.
And then I push too far, too fast, and it suddenly becomes so much easier to do literally anything but write or take photos.
It wasn’t that September was bad, exactly. (It was actually a really good month for me, on a purely personal level.) I’m just realizing that my threshold for burnout is a lot lower than it was before. I have to be ok with shorter writing sessions, and lower daily wordcounts. I have to be ok with taking terrible photos some days, or taking photos that are just for me. If I’m not, if I start to push myself too hard right now, then I shut down.
It’s not a great situation, but I can deal with it. It’s not a long-term problem. Yet.
In October, “dealing with it” means focussing on consistency instead of output. Limiting my writing sessions to an hour, but making sure I write (almost) every day. Picking up my camera and doing something. (Which would be easier if that gear I mentioned last month had arrived yet. Or if it had been sent. Customer service has been less than helpful so far.) And it means finding better ways to occupy myself when I’m not writing and taking photos so I don’t have to fight the gravitational pull of my phone.
And it means keeping my focus on the future, because somehow I still feel like things are getting better.