I suppose it was inevitable, and I’m not at all surprised it’s happening now, when the days are getting noticeably colder and shorter, and it feels like winter—and the end of the year—is just around the corner.
The doubts are starting to creep in.
I’m starting to wonder if I’m on the right track with this whole reboot. Not in general (it really is necessary), but in the specifics: whether the systems and habits I’m building are the right ones, whether I’m going to be able to sustain them long-term, whether I’m going in the right direction.
Like I said: I should have expected it, and I’m not surprised it’s happening. I’ve had a really good couple of weeks, and I really do feel like I’m building a good foundation for myself, and that’s always the stage when I start to question everything. When a story is flowing perfectly, I start to worry that I’m missing something important. When I’m proud of the photos I’m taking, I suddenly can’t bring myself to pick up a camera.
It’s a pattern. Not one I’m happy with, but one that I recognize in myself. And maybe (maybe) one that this reboot is going to help me work around going forward.
Creeping doubts aside, how am I really doing?
Clarify my long-term goals, in writing, photography, and in general.
This is… really difficult. I’ve been working on it (a lot!), but I tend to run into one problem over and over again: my broad goals have never changed, but when I try to get specific, to figure out exactly what those goals mean for me, I come up blank.
But it’s still early in the process. (This has only been part of the reboot for a week!) I’m still brainstorming, and researching, and filtering out the resources that will work for me. This is a big, slightly-terrifying project, and I can’t expect to have the answers in a week.
Find a way to structure my time in order to support my bigger goals (creative and otherwise).
I really feel like I’m finding my stride here. I’m still tracking my focus, energy, and motivation through the day, but I think today will be the last day for that. I’ve got enough data to work with, and I’ve already noticed patterns. And the last couple of weeks have been really good; NaNoWriMo has definitely been a factor (it’s always good to have a clear deadline), and (those doubts aside), I think I’m on the right track.
Develop workflows for writing and photography. And blogging.
I was supposed to work on this this week, wasn’t I? Oops.
Experiment with productivity and journalling systems, and find something that works for me.
Um. I think I’m on the right track with this? Sort of?
This is definitely the biggest source of the doubt and confusion. I’ve found a to-do list/productivity system that seems to work for me. I’m doing the things! I even broke my embargo and bought a new notebook (or… notebooks) so I can really start fine-tuning things.
… and then I promptly started questioning everything: is there a better way of organizing this stuff? It kind of feels like a waste of a perfectly good notebook. Is the whole bullet-journalling thing (which I’ve already mostly decided isn’t for me, at least not in the form that’s all over Instagram and Pinterest) actually productive or is it one of those things that feels productive without actually accomplishing anything? Why is this so difficult?
I think I’m on the right track with this. Sort of. Mostly.
Finish the work on the office.
As usual, progress is slow, but there is progress.
So that’s where I stand this week: the reboot is going well. As long as I don’t think about it too hard, and then… it’s still going well, but I’m a bit of a mess.
2 responses to “The 2018 Reboot | Week 10 Check-In”
This sort of ‘progress with a dash of doubts’ has characterized 2018 for me as well. Your post resonates.
Part of me wants to say that I’m glad to know that someone else deals with these weird contradictory moods, but I’d also be really happy if nobody had to.